Don’t Answer the Door; When Not Perceiving in Their Go(o)d Intentions

A short dissertation on the nature of solicitous missionary interactions on a porch, from a hallway, at your job, down the road, or in an airport.

Photo by Michal Matlon on Unsplash

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Life is too short to be drawn into religiosity you are barely woke for. Like when unknown, neatly-dressed persons ring your doorbell expecting hospitality with a missionary zeal! Getting my bell rung, or a knock at the door to find two college-age gentlemen plying their religious wares, wears me down for the entire day. One time I blurted out, “I already talked to the god that didn’t damn the woman at the well this morning, so cut me some f’ing slack people!”

Not my twins, and not former presidential candidates.

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Actually, I didn’t say any such thing. Few people probably even have that type of faithful fraught encounter anymore. It has happened to me twice in the last forty years, as far as I have kept track. Not the woman at the well and Jesus, three-in-one-god thing. I mean the guys with a missionary prospectus that later become corporate raiders, destroying thousands of jobs, amassing debt for others to pay, and driving across the country with their dogs shitting on the roofs of their…